There is No Rekindling the Fire
by Arsinen
Summary: There wasn't anything else they could do. It was over a long time ago. They were going no where. There was no rekindling the fire.


Hello peeps. I'm back with this Toishiya/Kaoru ficcy. It's a one-shot for now I'll probably continue since I was mean to my Totchi-kun and my heart is saying I can't leave him like I did.

Pairing: Kaoru/Toshiya

Rating: PG

Warnings: Just a bit of yaoiness more like shounen-ai though and of course angst.

It's not beta-ed but I did proof it. But like everyone else I miss things so if I did go ahead and tell me.

This was inspired when I was watching the HIDE MEMORIAL SUMMIT Dir en grey's performance. And Toshiya he looked so sad, miserable that I had to write sort of my mind's reasoning as to why he was so miserable. I will not go into what I thought of Die. It will just bring tears to my eyes.

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**There is No Rekindling the Fire**

I was expecting it but at the same time I wasn't.

We were both having dinner after a long day of working at the studio.

"Toshiya."

The other swallowed his food looking seriously at me with those dark mocha eyes, one of the features that I really loved about him.

"Yeah?"

I had a feeling about what it was he going to say but I didn't want to bring it up.

"I think…" he took a deep breath, "I think we're done."

Short and simple without beating around the bush but Kaoru's always been like that.

I only nodded as I continued to eat. You would think I would have denied it and vehemently pushed it away but I knew that we were over. We had been actually, our relationship died some time ago but I guess we stayed together in hopes of rekindling the fire. Obviously there was no wood to rekindle a fire so I guess Kaoru decided it was time.

"Toshiya?"

"I know… I've felt for a while that it wasn't working anymore."

I answered looking at him through my glasses. I had been too tired and lazy to put my contacts on that morning.

"I see… you too."

I only nodded I didn't see the point in saying anything so I didn't.

We had finished eating I took the plates into the kitchen while he helped store the left over food.

"I'm sorry."

I looked up from where I had been washing the dishes.

"Kaoru don't be. We tried and it didn't work, there is no need to feel sorry for something we really didn't have control over. We can't tell our hearts what to do."

I had said at length finishing up the dishes. I had dried my hands and stood facing my cupboards that held the dishes.

I didn't want to turn around.

Even if I knew that we were over I didn't want to face it.

It wasn't fair.

"Toshiya I'm getting my stuff okay?"

I swallowed painfully, "Yeah."

I placed my hands on the counter trying to desperately stop the tears.

Breathing deeply I moved through my apartment looking for Kaoru.

I found him.

He was putting the few belongings he had here in a bag. I distantly remembered that I would have to pick up some of my things that I also had at his apartment.

A sigh woke me from my lost thoughts.

"Toshiya I'm still your best friend okay? I still love you, you know."

"Yeah, love you too." I nodded my voice sounding odd in my ears.

I gave up after a moment lunging myself at him. He hugged my back just as tightly.

"I'll miss you." I admitted placing a kiss on his cheek. He smiled slightly and reached up wiping away a tear that had slipped out without me noticing.

"It's going to be okay Toto. You're strong you'll get through just fine." Kaoru had said softly caressing my cheek. I nodded trying to give him a smile.

Kaoru sighed softly caressing my cheek again before he nodded to himself. "Okay I'll see you tomorrow okay? Remember you need to be there by noon so you can record your track." "Yeah I know. Who's going to be the morning bird?" I asked as he grabbed the bag he had placed on the floor when I had hugged him.

"Shinya. He needs to record before you that way while you record he can work out some kinks with you" Kaoru answered we walked to the door.

"Goodnight and take care."

I watched as he opened the door and stepped out. He paused right before he closed the door though. "Remember Toto if you need anything , call me."

"I will Kaoru. 'Night"

I watched the door close behind, my now, ex-lover. I don't know how long I stood there but it hit me like a ton of bricks after a while.

I cried, the sobs I had been holding in since I washed the dishes finally broke through. I crawled into my bed and hugged my pillow.

I had been expecting it but it hurt still. I didn't like the feeling, my chest was so tight that it was almost blocking oxygen to my lungs. It was a horrible feeling but nothing except maybe time would stop it.

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Reviews are nice. My last fic was also an angst.

hehe. I find it very amusing that I hate angst but then here I go writing it and I even read it. LOL.

Thanks for reading. ^^


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